Two Parties

So, this time I used my apple-cheeked, adolescent wiles to worm my way into an outdoor wingding so deluxe they had not just an open bar but an open omelet-station! And if I remember my omelet better than I remember who was at the party, maybe it's because one of the people I do remember was Gilda Radner.

As a funny (I thought) Jew from Brooklyn, I was in awe of the funny Jewess from TV, so when I looked up and saw her coming my way, I couldn't wait to get to know her. I burbled some inept enthusiasms and she responded by putting her cigarette out in my omelet.

Months later, as a somewhat uninvited guest at a more intimate gathering, I spotted a blonde actress I had met once before -- at a party where she mistook me for a girl!

I said something along the lines of, "Remember me? You thought I was a girl," and instead of saying, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I have a problem with drugs," she turned to the person next to her and said, "Don't you think he looks like a girl?"

The person next to her was Gilda Radner. Gilda said, "I think he looks like a doll." She kissed me on the check and they both vanished from the premises.

Ah, redemption!

I returned to my table to find that Anne Beatts (perhaps best known as the creator of "Square Pegs") had eaten my chili.

Andrew J. Lederer
(originally posted at reallysmalltalk.com)