Friday, January 20, 2006

Two Parties

So, this time I used my apple-cheeked, adolescent wiles to worm my way into an outdoor wingding so deluxe they had not just an open bar but an open omelet-station! And if I remember my omelet better than I remember who was at the party, maybe it's because one of the people I do remember was Gilda Radner.

As a funny (I thought) Jew from Brooklyn, I was in awe of the funny Jewess from TV, so when I looked up and saw her coming my way, I couldn't wait to get to know her. I burbled some inept enthusiasms and she responded by putting her cigarette out in my omelet.

Months later, as a somewhat uninvited guest at a more intimate gathering, I spotted a blonde actress I had met once before -- at a party where she mistook me for a girl!

I said something along the lines of, "Remember me? You thought I was a girl," and instead of saying, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I have a problem with drugs," she turned to the person next to her and said, "Don't you think he looks like a girl?"

The person next to her was Gilda Radner. Gilda said, "I think he looks like a doll." She kissed me on the check and they both vanished from the premises.

Ah, redemption!

I returned to my table to find that Anne Beatts (perhaps best known as the creator of "Square Pegs") had eaten my chili.

Andrew J. Lederer
(originally posted at reallysmalltalk.com)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

The Party

Tiny Tim, for those who don't remember, was a stringy-haired, ukulele-playing, falsetto-voiced singer of '20s/'30s songs. Kind of freakish, but enjoyable. And he was exactly the kind of C-level celebrity you might see at parties thrown by some guy I once met who said I could come to one if I tried to get Richard Belzer to come too. So, I got Belzer's number from Catch a Rising Star or information or something and I called him and said, 'This guy wants you to come to some party,' and he said, 'No,' and having kept my promise, I went to the appointed midtown hotel room to mix with the show-biz medium shots who filled all my sleeping and waking dreams.

Now, I was a chunky, smooth-faced adolescent with long, thick, brown hair. And I sat on a hotel bed, talking with a girl who had been on a popular sitcom for a minute and a half, and this was thrilling to me. I mean, I know she seemed kinda drugged or something, but I really thought she liked me. And then, after talking to her for a long time, it suddenly became clear that she thought I was a girl.

I was mortified.

And the guy sitting next to me on the bed had witnessed the whole thing. Tiny Tim was laughing at me."

Andrew J. Lederer
(originally posted at reallysmalltalk.com)