Buy 'em by the Sack

I came late to White Castle.

Not late to meet somebody for burgers; late to the whole White Castle thing.

The iconography of the chain was always compelling to me, because while it was authentically a fast food burger chain, it was from the pre-fast food era. It was the closest you could come to knowing what it would be like if McDonalds had existed in 1922. (And wouldn't everybody like to know that?)

But it was not someplace we (meaning my family) went. (Maybe we did once. Ya gonna sue me for that?)

Maybe it was because, in New York at least, White Castle was a kind of ghetto-y thing. (Although, proving the rule with yet another exception, the one i think we went to once was in Bensonhurst, which is not a ghetto.) Which is so at odds with the archival images of "apple pie" Americans dining there over the decades which currently adorn their walls

So, either it wasn't ghetto-y in other places or it wasn't ghetto-y at one time, which begs the question, "How did the White Castle demographic become so 'urban'?"

Oh, well. That's a question for another time, pending diligent research and analysis. For now, all I know is that -- ghetto-y or not -- White Castle has been an American phenomenon, winning devotees of every ethnicity and income bracket to its "sliders", the small, steamed-on-the-bun, pickle-dappled, onion-sprinkled burgers that melt on your tongue and must be eaten in multiples unheard of at other burger dispensaries to attain maximum "benefit".

But I learned this late, so I was not immediately comfortable with the place's unorthodox methodologies. Sure. I'd once been to a Washington D.C. "White Tower" (one of the more successful of the .legions of White 'Castle imitators), but that was as a tourist. I was not a native-born citizen of the culinary kingdom where the Castle's burger reigned supreme.. I had to become a naturalized.citizen of the realm. (And don't talk to me about that pretender to the throne who calls himself, the "Burger King". I soldiered for him in his now-vanished Times Square fortress and, trust me, he is no king; he is at best, a Burger Chef.)

High school friends and others learned me to love the belly bomber (and even if I hadn't loved it it, I still loved the icons and totems of edible Americana), so it was sad when I was living on the west coast, where hamburger joints of every description sit side by side, and White Castle was nowhere to be found.

But one day, perhaps through actor, funnyman, and perennial Comedy Store doorman Harris Peet, I discovered a White Castle imitator that had opened in Hollywood. It wasn't that good. It wasn't exactly right.

But it was (almost) enough. And one day, I sat there eating my ersatz slider. And I realized I was a happy person.

A naturally happy person.

And that all the other stuff was ladled on after that fact; was learned unhappiness. (Just, I suddenly realize, as I learned to love White Castle -- and with an equally high fat content.)

My unhappiness was a reaction to experiences I had.. But I,really was happy

It's an insight I've mostly kept in touch with over the years and it's helped to keep me more or less happy.

But why do White Castles now have to sell Church's Fried Chicken?

It's impure. It's not right.

Maybe it's because I'm just a naturalized citizen of the White Castle realm; maybe I'm just too American, but I believe in the separation of church and state (and chicken and burgers). Kings may rule through divine right but what church with any claim to holiness would force a place that sells the perfect proto-fast food burger to create confusion among the citizenry with the addition of southern fried chicken chicken to its menu?

I mean, I'm a happy guy, but this is making me angry.

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18 February, 2007 @ 19:38 GMT
http://blogs.chortle.co.uk/andrewjlederer