Bless My Soul
I arrived at the Subway Soul Club at about 2 AM, Saturday night/Sunday morning. Maybe it was the ambient pot I'd been inhaling intermittently for 11 hours at my chef and video curator's place, but I felt kind of comfortable, in a way I usually don't when attending the monthly mod/northern soul dance party. (So, why do I go? I love the music and I think maybe something will "happen".)
I danced with my friend Nancy, whose boyfriend, Phast Phreddie, the Boogaloo Omnibus, was DJing, for just a couple of moments, but I was fluid and fun (also ambient pot?) and Nancy said to me, "You really know how to live." Sadly, while this may be true, I don't seem to have put this knowledge to any practical use. More likely, she was misled by my apparent abandon.
I talked to some people comfortably -- again, unusual for this event (ambient?). And for the rest of the night, in the basement which reminded me of a place in Finsbury Park where I'd been to a similar affair (invited by the woman who ran this one), I felt less of a wallflower than usual, more comfortably standing to the side as I watched others dance, clinging less to nearby objects for stability.
I got smiled at by some of the more attractive dancers and felt that, maybe, if I didn't force it and looked relaxed and came back the next time and the time after that and they became familiar with me and started talking to me and I started dancing with them and I had a little money and maybe we had some drinks and let our guards down and found that we liked hanging with each other and had some things in common, maybe a way of looking at life, then maybe, then, something would really happen.
I was proud of myself for remaining relaxed but then I realized I've had basically those same thoughts lots of times before. "I'll hang back and seem nice and next time, I'll continue the process and make something happen."
Except I don't come back. Or they're not there. Or next time I'm more uncomfortable. Or they don't think we have something in common.
Or I forget and start the (non-)process again from scratch. Like I was doing that night. (Not ambient pot?)
I figured I'd write about this and then I thought maybe I was only having the insight because of the ambient pot.
But the insight was true. And I figured if I used the phrase "ambient pot" enough, it would contextualize things and make everything okay.
Anyway, at the dance, I had this insight and so I thought I should maybe just dance a little with the interesting (interested?) parties. So, I moved a little. But it seemed like it would be so forced.
And, therefore, off-putting and contrary to my best interests.
And who says that just because the "ease into things" policy has never worked that it's not the right plan? Maybe I haven't been doing it right.
And, yes, I'll probably do it wrong again.
But that doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do.
If I would do it.
Right.
__________________________________
19 February, 2007 @ 19:10 GMT
http://blogs.chortle.co.uk/andrewjlederer
I danced with my friend Nancy, whose boyfriend, Phast Phreddie, the Boogaloo Omnibus, was DJing, for just a couple of moments, but I was fluid and fun (also ambient pot?) and Nancy said to me, "You really know how to live." Sadly, while this may be true, I don't seem to have put this knowledge to any practical use. More likely, she was misled by my apparent abandon.
I talked to some people comfortably -- again, unusual for this event (ambient?). And for the rest of the night, in the basement which reminded me of a place in Finsbury Park where I'd been to a similar affair (invited by the woman who ran this one), I felt less of a wallflower than usual, more comfortably standing to the side as I watched others dance, clinging less to nearby objects for stability.
I got smiled at by some of the more attractive dancers and felt that, maybe, if I didn't force it and looked relaxed and came back the next time and the time after that and they became familiar with me and started talking to me and I started dancing with them and I had a little money and maybe we had some drinks and let our guards down and found that we liked hanging with each other and had some things in common, maybe a way of looking at life, then maybe, then, something would really happen.
I was proud of myself for remaining relaxed but then I realized I've had basically those same thoughts lots of times before. "I'll hang back and seem nice and next time, I'll continue the process and make something happen."
Except I don't come back. Or they're not there. Or next time I'm more uncomfortable. Or they don't think we have something in common.
Or I forget and start the (non-)process again from scratch. Like I was doing that night. (Not ambient pot?)
I figured I'd write about this and then I thought maybe I was only having the insight because of the ambient pot.
But the insight was true. And I figured if I used the phrase "ambient pot" enough, it would contextualize things and make everything okay.
Anyway, at the dance, I had this insight and so I thought I should maybe just dance a little with the interesting (interested?) parties. So, I moved a little. But it seemed like it would be so forced.
And, therefore, off-putting and contrary to my best interests.
And who says that just because the "ease into things" policy has never worked that it's not the right plan? Maybe I haven't been doing it right.
And, yes, I'll probably do it wrong again.
But that doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do.
If I would do it.
Right.
__________________________________
19 February, 2007 @ 19:10 GMT
http://blogs.chortle.co.uk/andrewjlederer
posted by Andrew J. Lederer at 2:39 PM
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